Only you .

I havent been blogging for a while. These few days, i feel so empty and hollow. I cant even describe it myself. I feel that im far from everyone. Especially from Syazriq. I feel extremely far from him. I usually try to make an effort to ask and make everything better. But now, im just so empty that all i feel is nothing and emptiness. And i know that deep down we both dont want this relationship to be saved. Its better be left like it is right now. Saving it will lead to nothing. I blame it on myself. All the mistakes that ive done in the past. I guess it plays an unusually big role to everything that is happening right now. The further we go. The further we drift apart. I tried doing everything. But everything is not good enough. My pride my ego has all been swept. I dont have any, anymore. I'am what i have left now. Even if i cry and scream. It will stay like this. Nothing would change. And yes, i feel the absence inside. The absence that i know he has replaced with somebody else. It hurts me. It makes me churn inside. But its the price i have to pay. The price that i have to keep on paying till all the guilt is gone. My actions, what ive done. I will be held responsible.

Babe if you read this. I want you to know that im not giving up. Its just that im falling and i cant climb my way back up again. Im sorry. I love you .

Show Me What You Got .

Holiday fever begins. Sigh*. I'm not really the holiday type of person. My dad is going back to Malaysia next week. And i will be stuck here in this hellhole. There's not much to do around here. Sit at home, online, eating and then sleep. My own personal routine going on repeat every single DAMN day. Ive finished my mid terms, but inside me i still feel restless. I have no idea what got me feeling like this. But the stupid feeling keeps bugging me inside. And i absolutely HATE it.

Today i went over to salwa's. Had lunch at her house. I LOVE her mom's cooking. Even if im full as a hippo. I can have space to stuff up her mom's food in my stomach :)

After lunch we just sat around in her room. As usual i was online. See what an addict i am with the internet. I still have to go online even when im at my friends house. Haihhh, i just love internet. Anyway i was online with a purpose. The craze of the hotel city challenge had made me to go online. I had to start the fcking shift. Or else, money wont come in. KA-CHING $$$$$. Hahaha, so i went online. Finished settling my Hotel City Bidness and carried on checking my fb . Syazriq was online. Fb and also MSN. Eventhough this sounds cheesy. But i just miss chatting with him on MSN. Somehow it makes me feel that i'm close to him :) Plus this time it felt extra special. He had his wc on ! Awww, i miss him. Here's a couple of shots i got of us web-camming just now.

Babe, I know u dont like your pixs in these . I still wanna post them on my blog ;)

Love you .

Him

I've been listening to Jessica Simpson's - I Belong To Me for like the 50th time tonight. Cheesy, YES I know. But somehow this song makes me realise that whatever other people think about me is not important. As long as the person that you love is there to support you. Whatever other people think. Dosen't matter to me. Why should I need somebody else to tell me something to make me feel good about myself?

I did'nt really have a tiring day today. But i just cant seem to think straight. I came back home from class at 3pm and as soon as i got home. My head landed on my pillow. I fell asleep instantly. And I was woken up at 7pm by the sound of the azan. So, I struggled to get myself out of bed. I got up, sat at the end of my bed and wondered. What is there that I have to live for here. I keep on repeating the same old monotony every single day. The feeling of absence inside me just feels so overwhelming. The thing is, I miss him. I really do. 7 months without having to see him. To hold his hand. And to just sit with him seeing him laugh. It just cracks my heart. Day by day, I long to sense the feeling that I use to know so well.

Muhammad Syazriq Bin. Ghazali, I miss you so much babe .

A New Dawning

I'm always feeling reluctant. I have no self assurance and I'm always thinking too much about every single small little thing. Which always makes me leaving depressed and pre-occupied in my own little world. I have no friends. I screw up a lot. Leading me into doing this blog. Its not much. But I seem to have this unexplained and uncertain feeling inside me. That I don't have a clue in how to make it go away. So here comes my feeble attempt in expressing my feelings here. I'm new in this blogging thing. If it's really boring, then I'm so so sorry. But I promise to get better and include in some more exciting stuff. My life is not that glamarous. That is why I don't really have much to say. But still I want to share what I have with the world and with the people that I care.